SCV Albert Sidney Johnston Camp #67 Houston, Texas

Albert Sidney Johnston Camp #67

Sons of Confederate Veterans

MY FAVORITE BUS DRIVER

A bus driver was conducting a tour of famous War Between The States battle sites. "Here," he points out at one spot, "is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees. Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers. " A tourist says, "Didn't the North ever win a battle?" "Yes ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus."

AN ELDERLY SOUTHERN LADY

I recently heard a supposedly true story about an elderly lady in occupied Richmond following the fall of that city in 1865. The lady had stumbled and would have fallen and probably suffered a severe injury had a young Yankee soldier not grabbed her to prevent her fall. Though she despised Yankees, never the less she could not help but be grateful for the rescue. The nearest thing to forgiveness she could think of was, "Why thank you, young man. If there is a cold spot in Hell, I hope you got it".

A LITTLE HUMOR FROM RICHMOND

In 1961, Robert E. Lee. IV was invited to Appomattox to participate in the en-enactment of the surrender between General Robert E. Lee and General U. S. Grant. Lee flew to Charlottesville and began driving south. About 10 miles out of town, a Virginia State Trooper pulled him over. Lee assumed he had a speeding ticket coming. Instead, the trooper walked up to the car and slipped Robert E. Lee IV a note. It read:

"WHEN YOU GET TO APPOMATTOX, DON'T SIGN ANYTHING."

From the Richmond Times-Dispatch

DON'T JUMP!

A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Augusta, Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man standing near the edge of the bridge fixin' to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down her window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your Mother and Father."

He replied, "My Ma and Pa are both dead, I'm gonna jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I ain't got no wife and kids. I'm jumping."

She said, " Well, then think of Robert E. Lee."

He replied, " Who is Robert E. Lee?"

She replied, "Well just go on and jump, you damned bluebellied Yankee ....!"

Yankee Soldier Fans

A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are Yankee soldier fans. Not really knowing what a Yankee soldier fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Johnny says, "I'm not a Yankee soldier fan."

The Teacher says, "Why aren't you a Yankee soldier fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a Rebel soldier fan."

The Teacher asks why he's a Rebel soldier fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Rebel soldier fan and my dad's a Rebel soldier fan, so I'm a Rebel soldier fan!"

The Teacher is kind of angry, because this is Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Yankee soldier fan!

Yankees In The Woods

A couple of Yankees are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, "I think Bruce is dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence... and then a shot is heard.

The Yankee's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"